In the Rain
by thesewallsibuilt
Summary: AU: Kate can't keep it a secret from him any longer. Finally, after all this time, she is going to tell Castle just how much she remembers from the shooting all those months ago. NOTE: I started this before everything that is now canon happened. So, this story became an ALTERNATE ENDING for Always. Don't worry, it's still Caskett.
1. Chapter 1

_I got the idea for this fic the same place I normally get ideas... lying in my bed thinking about nothing. I really enjoyed the way it played out in my mind and I am really hoping I will be able to appropriately express it in words. This will probably be a one shot, unless I really enjoy it or I get a lot of encouragement otherwise. We'll see I guess!_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Castle, but if I did, this is what it would look like._

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><p>Castle entered the Old Haunt. Having been there so many times before, he didn't even take notice to the bells that chimed above him as he opened the door. He was immediately hit by a wall of stale beer and history. Much better, in his opinion, then the smell of the imminent rain that had been surrounding him outside.<p>

He spots his partner easily. She is sitting at their usual spot toward the back of the bar nursing what he can only assume to be a rum and coke. He knows it's her drink of choice for casual outings.

Of course, there are a million things running through his head as he makes his way toward her. The first, as usual, being how gorgeous she looks in her casual clothes and her curled hair. He wonders briefly why she invited him here. Kate Beckett was not one to stick to pattern. He had known her for almost 4 years now and still she managed to surprise him every day. Calling him here, however, had been a bigger surprise than he was used to.

"Hey." He said, smiling at her as he sat down. He was immediately alarmed by the clear nervousness and restraint she was showing in her eyes and posture. He _knew_ her and based on the signs she was giving him, he was beginning to doubt the pleasantness of this outing.

"Hey, Castle. You're late!" She says, clearly trying to begin their usual banter. He isn't fooled, however. He can hear the half-heartedness in her voice, the slight waver that is clearly masking whatever she truly wants to tell him.

His mind immediately goes to the worst. He quickly runs the past few days through in his mind. They had worked on two cases during that time, both fairly simple. He didn't think he had done anything wrong, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't shake the thoughts that were now pounding in his head. _She doesn't want you anymore. She is kicking you out of her life. She found out about your investigation. She wants a new partner. _Whatever the news was, he knew he wasn't going to like it.

"What's going on, Beckett?" He says, ignoring her comment about his late arrival. He wants to get to the point, hoping desperately that he is over reacting and her actual news will settle his terrified heart.

"Why don't you order a drink first?" She said, meeting his eyes. She clearly saw that he wasn't buying into her stalling so she tried for another tactic. "You look a little sick, are you feeling ok? We can do this another time if you want?"

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><p>Kate kicked herself. <em>Damn it, Kate. For once in your life don't cower from your feelings. <em>She knew she was stalling. She was ready to tell him, her and Dr Burke had established as much, but she hadn't anticipated the nervousness and the emotional build up of it all. She had absolutely no idea how he was going to react but she knew it wasn't going to be pretty.

She knew she deserved it, though. Every single word that was about to pass his lips. Every harsh comment that slapped her in the face... she deserved it all. This didn't mean she was looking forward to it any more.

"I need to tell you something." She said, letting out a shaky breath, the type that escapes you while crying uncontrollably. Every single part of her was screaming at her, trying to convince her to not do this. But she knew it was right. She had to.

Her heart broke as he replied. "You know you can tell me anything, Kate." The use of her first name made her heart quicken... in a different way then before. _Damn him. _She thought, closing her eyes. It was as though he knew what she was going to say and was already torturing her for it.

_Here goes nothing. _She thought as she gathered her pre-planned speech in her mind. Her brain, however, was reeling so fast that she forgot how she had planned on wording her confession. So typical.

"I've been keeping something from you for a while now and I'm so scared you're going to hate me for it." Her confession was interrupted when she felt a hand on her knee... a hand that she knew all too well.

"I could never hate you." _Why _did he have to be so sincere... so perfect? Why now?

"Please, let me finish." She said solemnly, taking another deep breath. "You have to understand that I wasn't ready. I couldn't face it. I was too... broken." God, she felt pathetic. _Get to the point, Katie. Time to put on your big girl pants and fess up. _

"What I am trying to say—what I want to tell you is that I remember everything." She closed her eyes, bracing herself for the angry words and the 'I never want to see you again'. What she got, however, was worse.

The only noise that came from him was a dejected sigh. He wasn't speaking, he wasn't moving... she wasn't even sure if he was breathing. Slowly, she opened her eyes and looked at him. She was met by his piercing blue eyes, that normally took her breath away. Now, however, they made her feel so guilty that she hated herself.

"You remember the shooting." He said bluntly after another few moments of silence. "You remember me tackling you and begging you to stay with me." He stared at her, clearly gaining confirmation from the look in her eyes. "You remember—"

"You love me." She said, trying her best to smile, but probably looking pitiful. "Rick, I need to tell you tha—"

"You know, I think you've said enough. I think I'm just going to leave now." He said, getting up. She felt tears welling up in her eyes as she realized how broken he was. What had she done?

"Wait! Rick. Please hear me out. I am so sorry for lying to you but—" She couldn't finish her sentence before he interrupted her.

"Don't you dare make an excuse. Don't try to make this okay. I waited for you for 3 _damn_ months and you never called. Every day I tried to make myself feel better by remembering that you didn't know. You had no idea how I felt... what I said to you. That knowledge helped me understand why you didn't call. You watched me plead with you. You witnessed my heart break into a million pieces as you bled out in my arms and you saw what it did to me when I realized I couldn't do anything about it. You remember all of that yet you still left me alone for 3 months to wonder how you were doing, and if you were ok." He sighed, sitting down and not so gently placing his head in his hands.

"I couldn't face it. I didn't think I'd be able to cope with healing and my mom's case and my own case while also trying to deal with what you said to me."

"I thought you were the love of my life, Kate. I thought you were different. I was so sure! God, how could I have been so stupid? You're just like everyone else. Kyra, Meredith, Gina, hell, even Sophia! They all pretended to care about me. They all let me fall for them and then they all broke my heart. Maybe I just don't deserve love. I guess I wasn't meant to be happy." He got up from his seat and Kate's heart broke for what seemed like the millionth time. She had to tell him how she felt or she'd lose him forever.

"Wait! Rick! Please just hear me out!" She pleaded, tears now flowing freely down her face. She _couldn't _lose him. She wouldn't survive it.

"Please, just let me leave my own bar with a little dignity." He said, as he turned around to leave.

She stared at him walking away. She watched as the only good thing left in her life left her. She wanted to break down and cry. As she watched him go, she was brought back to a distant memory she had long since forgotten.

_6 year old Katie Beckett stood, watching her best friend walk away from her house. She was crying but had stopped calling after him... it was no use. She was about to turn around and go back inside when her mom, who apparently had been gardening in the backyard, found her on the porch._

"_What's wrong, bug?" She asked, clearly worried by her daughter's tears._

"_Tommy and I had a fight and he told me he didn't want to be my best friend anymore. He left, mom!" She cried, hugging her mother._

"_Well, did you do anything to upset him?" Johanna asked, always wise and looking for a solution._

"_I didn't share my trading cards. I wanted to win so badly!" She said, breaking her mom's gaze and looking back toward Tommy, who she could still see walking down her long street away from her."_

"_Well, bug. I think there is only one solution to this problem. You run after him, baby. Give him a big hug and tell him you're sorry. Don't let a boy like him get away, he's a good one." She said, confusing Kate a little with her words. The little girl smiled and hugged her mom before running after her best friend._

Kate's eyes refocused after her brief flashback just in time to see the bar door closing. _You run after him, baby. Don't let a boy like him get away, he's a good one." _Her mom's voice rang through her head as she wiped the tears from her eyes. Just like all those years ago, Kate did exactly what her mom told her.

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><p>Rick left the bar feeling worthless. He had been so worried about what Kate had to say to him but nothing he had imagined was worse then this. With those 3 little words 'I remember everything', the writer felt his hopes and dreams being ripped away from him.<p>

He had actually thought that she felt the same. Underneath her mask and behind her wall, he had thought maybe he had found the right woman... the one he would spend the rest of his life with. There was no doubt in his mind that she was the love of his life, but the fact that he wasn't hers tore a huge hole in his heart that would never be repaired.

_Of course it's raining. _He thought, sadly chuckling at the symbolism. It was like his life had turned into a bad soap opera, and he was the poor sap who walked alone in the rain with the knowledge that the woman he loved more then anything in the world didn't return those feelings.

The downpour was hard and he was soaked immediately. He cursed himself for having taken a cab to the bar. It had clearly just begun raining, because all of the cabs were taken and none were stopping for him.

He was just about to give up and walk home when he heard a faint voice behind him yelling. Even though it was masked by the loud noises of New York traffic and torrential rain, he'd know that voice anywhere.

He turned around to see Kate standing on the sidewalk watching him, soaked from head to toe, hair dripping around her and sticking to her face.

She ran toward him and when she finally reached him, he was too dejected to stop her from placing her hands on both his arms.

"Richard Castle." She said, lifting one hand up to touch his cheek. "Don't you ever think for one second that I don't care about you." He started to interrupt her but she covered his mouth with her other hand, both now touching his face. "And from this moment on, don't you ever doubt again that I am not completely in love with you." She smiled.

He was shocked. His heart lifted and soared toward the clouds and if he wasn't watching her with his own eyes, he probably would have sworn to anyone who would listen that his soul had left his body and was hovering above them.

Kate clearly took his silence for anger because she continued her speech. "I _love_ you, Rick. You infuriating, egotistic, frustrating, wonderful man. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me and if you still hate me after this, I don't care because—"

She couldn't finish before Rick's lips were on hers. He kissed her passionately, gently stroking her cheek with one hand while burying the other in her wet hair. The rain poured down on them as they continued to kiss each other eagerly. It was everything they had imagined and more. There were no pretenses, no cover ups. This kiss could only be explained by one emotion. Love.

The couple broke apart only for air after the best kiss of both of their lives.

"You beautiful woman, you have no idea what you do to me." He laughed in spite of himself as he held her in his arms. He had wanted for so long to be able to hold her like this and rejoiced when he realized she wasn't pulling away.

She kissed him lightly again on the lips. "Oh, I think I do." She smiled, lifting her hand up a little further to play with the lobe of his ear.

Rick, not wanting to waste another moment of their time together, began kissing every inch of her head.

"You", he kissed her cheek, "are", he kissed her other cheek, "the", her forehead, "most", her nose, "extraordinary", her hair.

"Man I have ever met." She interrupted him, kissing his chest as he pulled her in for a hug.

The couple broke apart, but kept a hold of each other's hands, still gazing deep into each other's eyes.

"Lets go home."

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><p><em>Woah, I did not mean to write that much. So what do you think? I kinda love it :S.<em>

_I really hope you liked the story. This is exactly how it played out in my mind but I hope I wrote it well enough to do it justice!_

_One shot? Should I continue? I don't know but feedback would be amazing. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story! _


	2. Chapter 2

_Because of the overwhelming amount of story alerts and private messages, I have decided to continue this story. Plus I'm never really good at leaving a story without a proper ending anyway._

_Hopefully I do this one justice, I have a plan in my mind but we'll see how that plays out._

_Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to review and private message me. It meant so much! :)_

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><p>A writer and his muse walked hand in hand down the streets of New York. Both content with the silence that enveloped them... in a verbal sense, that is. Their body language, on the other hand, was practically screaming.<p>

The rain that had poured down on the city not too long ago had finally ceased and though they were soaked from head to toe, the couple wasn't phased by the weather in the least.

Rick was silently stroking Kate's hand, smiling to himself as they turned their last corner. They hadn't spoken a word in the fifteen minutes they had been walking. They were both too consumed in the thoughts and realities that were finally dawning on them.

The silence, unlike most cases, was anything but awkward. It was almost like a mutual understanding between the two—an unspoken agreement.

Rick was the first to speak up. "What exactly are we doing here, Kate?" He asked, feeling stupid... as though the answer was obvious.

Kate smiled. "We'll talk about it when we get to the loft. For now, lets keep this moment the way it is."

Rick wasn't sure how to take that. Was she backing down? Was she running away? He didn't think he would be able to survive it if she did.

"I'm not running from this, I promise." She said almost as though she could read his mind, "I just want to remember this moment as it is. Our first walk home together with no secrets. Just a typical man and woman coming home _without_ the weight of the world on their shoulders." She smiled, breathing serenely as if she had finally found peace.

Rick gulped then. She didn't know that he still had a vital secret that he was keeping from her. He wished so badly for the ability to tell her. He wanted nothing more then to start whatever _they _were with no secrets between them... but he couldn't. He knew if she found out about his investigating... she'd either never forgive him, or start up her own digging all over again and that wasn't a risk he was willing to take.

The two walked for five more minutes before finally reaching the loft. He thanked his lucky stars for Martha's acting class and Alexis' "girls night". He wanted to ease Kate into this, and declaring themselves to his mother and daughter wasn't exactly a good way of doing that.

Rick unlocked his front door with ease, grateful that his usual clumsiness with keys and locks wasn't displaying itself.

"Would you like a drink?" Rick asked, unsure of how to proceed. He was relieved at Kate's smile in response.

"That would be nice. But first, do you have some clothes I could borrow? There is something about wet clothes in a dry apartment that makes a girl extremely uncomfortable." She laughed.

"Yes, of course! I don't think Alexis' clothes would fit you. You're legs are—" He stopped himself, realizing what he had been about to say. "I mean... I'll get you something of my own."

Kate blushed as she too realized where his sentence had been going. She knew how he felt about her, but it was still nice to know that this man found her attractive. She was such a girl.

Rick returned almost immediately having changed his own clothes and carrying a large t-shirt for her. "I.. uh... I wasn't sure what you wanted to wear as pants. So I figured—"

"This is fine, Rick. This t-shirt is long enough to reach my knees. Plus its black so theres no chance of see-through material."

"Ok, thats... thats good. You can go ahead and change in my room."

Kate smiled at him and he watched her retreat into his bedroom. God, what his mind was imagining right now. Katherine Beckett, the very object of every single fantasy he had had for the past 3 years was stripping herself down in his bedroom at this very moment... changing herself into one of _his _t-shirts!

He had just finished pouring two glasses of wine when she opened the door and exited his bedroom. If his mind had been reeling before, it was nothing compared to what it was doing now. It was just so _domestic. _So natural for them to be sharing this moment. And how did she look like _that _withdamp, unkept hair, very little makeup, and an old t-shirt. She was... "gorgeous."

He hadn't realized he had spoken the last word out loud until he noticed Kate looking at him funny.

"What did you say?" She asked, cocking her head to one side.

"Well I didn't mean to say it out loud. But, since you caught me... you're gorgeous."

She blushed, trying to maintain control of her facial expressions. "You really think so? I mean... I'm a mess." They both knew she wasn't only speaking about her physical appearance.

"I have never been so serious about anything in my life." He stated simply, walking over to hand her one of the glasses he had just poured.

"I don't deserve you." Her voice was quiet, Rick wasn't sure he had heard it at all.

"You're right." He smiled at the worry that now encased her eyes. With his free hand, he lifted her chin gently. "You deserve so much more."

_Don't you dare cry, Kate. Damn it, don't you dare. _She could feel her eyes filling with moisture. No one had ever loved her like this man did. She had never felt so adored, so beautiful. It was that moment that she let everything down. Her guard, her mask, her wall. Everything was destroyed and Kate was left standing amid the dust and rubble, raw and vulnerable... but somehow, she didn't mind.

"You did it." She smiled, taking the hand that was still underneath her chin in her own.

"What did I do?" He asked, confused.

"You destroyed my wall. It's gone, Rick. I'm ready... for us." She smiled at his elated expression.

"Katherine Beckett, are you saying what I think you are saying?" He smiled, trying not to get his hopes up. This could not be real.

"I am all yours, writer boy." She laughed, feeling free for the first time in so many years.

Rick was ecstatic. This beautiful woman, this exquisite creature standing before him was _his. _She was his to kiss, to hold, to comfort, to _love _and he was never letting her go.

"I think you're wrong about that, Kate. I'm yours. Totally, completely, and forever." He heard her breath hitch at the word forever. So much for taking things slow. "And as for 'writer boy', I think it's time we established that the accurate terminology is writer _man."_

He couldn't take it anymore. What with their confessions, and her beautiful lips uttering the words "I'm all yours", and the simple way she was staring at him now, he had to kiss her. Slowly, he lowered his head down to level with hers. He hovered there for a moment, wanting to revel in this closeness, the anticipation. It was when he heard Kate whisper, "kiss me, writer man" that he finally closed the distance.

The kiss was passionate, but slow. Almost like a promise. He loved the way her lips felt against his own. She kissed him with such love that every doubt he had ever felt about her feelings melted away... crumbled just like the wall had inside of her. The kiss was intensified when Kate lightly probed her tongue into his mouth. It was perfect. Everything was perfect.

He pulled away after the kiss started to get too heated. "Kate, I want you so bad. I want to take you to my bedroom and make love to you more then anything... but it's not the time." He couldn't believe his own words.

"What do you mean it's not the time? Are you sure this is Richard Castle I'm kissing?" She asked playfully, pushing a little harder into him.

"I know, I can't believe I am saying this either but I don't want to cheapen this. I want to do it when the time is right. Once we are in a good place in our relationship. I don't want to ruin _us _because of my desires." He sighed.

"You are amazing." She laughed, kissing him lightly on the lips before grabbing his hand to lead him to the couch.

The couple sat down on the couch in front of the fire place. Rick's legs hung over the edge, and Kate sprawled herself out so her head was resting on his lap and her body was using the rest of the comfortable leather.

She closed her eyes after staring up at him with a tenderness that melted his heart. He slowly stroked her hair, loving the way she shivered at the sensation.

"So I can call you my girlfriend now?" He asked, not wanting to ruin the moment but needing absolute clarification.

"Yes, Rick. You can call me your girlfriend." Ever since he had known her he had wanted to hear her say that but he couldn't help his mind from straying to the words he was even more excited to hear. _Yes, Rick. You can call me your fiance... Yes, Rick. You can call me your wife._

The couple lay together on the couch for hours talking and laughing. Finally, after all this time, they were ready to embark on their relationship. They were ready to write their own story.

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><p><em>How was that for a second chapter? I think it came along pretty nicely! <em>

_I'd love to hear what all of you thought! I am going to write many more chapters for this story as I now have an idea in my mind that I can't get out. I can't wait to progress in this story, and I hope you all enjoy the journey!_


	3. Chapter 3

_Thank you so much to everyone for the amazing responses to my story. Every single one means so much and I hope I do you all proud!_

_Just a side note, this was supposed to go up last night but the site was going crazy on me and it wouldn't work :(. Anyway, here it is!_

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><p>Kate had been worried about announcing her new relationship to everyone in both her life and Rick's. She had pretty much anticipated how they would all react, but there was one person left that she was hesitant and even a little nervous to tell.<p>

"Don't worry, Kate. Alexis will be thrilled!" Rick held her face in his hands as they stood outside the front door to his loft. The couple had been 'official' for 2 days now and hadn't told Alexis about it yet because her girls night had turned into a girls weekend and this wasn't something Rick wanted to announce over the phone.

"What if she gets angry? What if she doesn't like me?" She asked, feeling a different kind of butterflies in her stomach than she normally felt in his presence.

"That's ridiculous and you know it. Come on, Kate. You've met my daughter on multiple occasions and she has never been anything but thrilled when you're around." He smiled down at her, attempting to alleviate the stress that was rising in Kate's chest.

Kate was immediately brought back to the day Rick and Martha had been held hostage in the bank. _Do you hear me? They're all I've got! _She had promised the girl that her family would be ok. That she'd get them out safely. It was almost like a slap in the face when the girl replied with _they'd better._ No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't shake Alexis' voice in her mind whenever she saw the girl.

"You know what? You're right, i'm being ridiculous. Lets do this." She smiled, surprised that she said something so... not like her. Together, they entered the loft, unwilling to break eye contact before they faced their most important critic.

"Dad! Detective Beckett! You're finally home! I was beginning to worry you wouldn't finish your paperwork in time for dinner." Alexis joked, hugging her father and smiling tentatively at the detective, unsure of how to greet her.

Kate smiled back at the girl. "Alexis, you know you can call me Kate."

"Kate." The girl smiled, almost testing the name out. "Sounds good. So what did you guys want to talk to me about?"

Rick stepped in then, not wanting to burden Kate with any more responsibility then she needed to have. "I think we should start dinner first. I'm starving and something smells amazing." He led his daughter and girlfriend into his kitchen, feeling a sense of perfection. This was what his life was supposed to be like. He would never let go of this feeling.

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><p>Martha, who had already been informed of the development in Rick and Kate's relationship, made her grand entrance half way through supper. She was delighted by the scene she walked in on. Her family was sitting at the dinner table laughing hysterically at a joke Alexis had just told. It didn't take long to notice, however, that Rick's laughter was a little more strained then the rest seemed to be.<p>

"—And then Dad got up and yelled 'the brown coats are on their way!'" Kate burst out into hysterical laughter. She hadn't laughed this hard in such a long time.

"He didn't!" She laughed, feeling tears well up in her eyes

"He did!" Alexis laughed just as hard, not daring a glance at her father in fear that she couldn't laugh any harder.

Martha knew just the story her granddaughter was retelling. "Oh, Alexis. You're not telling your poor father's _brand new _girlfriend the wisdom teeth story are you?"

Everyone at the table stilled then. Rick shot daggers at his Mother while Kate just sat in silence, finding a sudden fascination with the hands she had folded in her lap. As if the moment couldn't get any worse, the detective looked up just in time to watch Alexis push herself away from the table and angrily walk away.

"I asked you for _one thing, _Mother. One thing." Rick said, with an eerie calmness before getting up and running after his daughter who had long since slammed the door to her room.

Kate was left alone then in the kitchen with an awe-struck Martha and her own horrible thoughts.

Martha was the first to break the silence. "Oh God, dear. I am so sorry! I saw you all laughing and joking around and I assumed—"

"No, its ok, really. We were going to tell her anyway and judging by her reaction, its better that you delivered the news rather then me." Kate dropped her head into her hands.

"No! Her reaction doesn't mean anything. She was just surprised, thats all!" Martha attempted to sound reassuring.

"Oh God, she hates me." Kate sighed, wanting nothing more then to crawl into a small cave and never come out.

"She doesn't hate you, dear. She was just surprised. I promise you, Richard is going to have a talk with her and then she will walk back down here and apologize for herself.

"Well in the mean time, I guess I'll start cleaning up these plates." Kate got up and grabbed the dishes, needing something to keep her mind occupied while Rick and Alexis had their talk.

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><p>"Go away, dad!" Alexis said when he knocked on her door. He was so surprised by her reaction, his emotions were in turmoil. Should he stay up here and try to reason with Alexis? Should he go back downstairs and comfort Kate who is surely having an internal freak out? Oh god... what if she ran.<p>

"Alexis, I'm coming in." He gave her fare warning before opening her door 30 seconds later. He had always refused to put locks on any doors except for bathrooms in the loft. It had sometimes proved itself to be an inconvenience, but for times like these, he was glad he stuck to his guns.

"Dad, I said go away. I don't want to talk this out." He saw his daughter lying on her bed cuddling with her oldest stuffed animal, Monkey Bunkey. The first thing he noticed about her, however, was the fact that there were no tears streaming down her face. That was a good sign, wasn't it?

"What was that all about? I'm sorry you had to find out like that but I thought you liked Kate, sweetie. I don't understand." He reached her bed and sat on the end of it.

"I _do _like Kate, dad. But it's not about what I like about her. She is going to leave you, dad. I know she is... it's who she is and I don't want to watch your heart break." She sighed, hating herself for telling him this.

"Why do you say that? She is letting me in, pumpkin. She is finally allowing for us to move forward in our relationship. I thought you'd be happy for me!"

"Do you even hear yourself? She is _allowing _you to move forward in your relationship? You are so dependent on her and she is so demanding. She is going to break you. I won't stand for it."

"Kate has changed. I know she has. You don't know her like I do... she is different now and she _told _me she loves me. She _told _me she is ready. Sweetie, she wouldn't say those things if she weren't truly feeling them. She is not cruel or heartless and you have no reason to think she is." Rick was truly conflicted. Could he continue on with his relationship if Alexis didn't approve?

"She told you she loved you?" Alexis sat up. She tried to act indifferent but her father knew better. He could clearly see the surprise and hope lingering in her eyes.

"She did." He smiled warmly, allowing himself a brief moment to remember her beautiful confession. "I have told you enough about Kate for you to know she doesn't just express her feelings on a whim."

"Are you sure about this, dad? Are you positive about her? I really do like her, I think she's great but I don't want her to leave us." Alexis inhaled sharply, hoping her father didn't catch her slip up.

_So thats why she's upset._ Rick understood immediately. "Kate is not your mother, sweetie." He moved closer to her, now cradling her head with his arms and slowly stroking her hair. "She wouldn't do that to us. I promise you she won't leave."

"I just..." Alexis took a deep breath, trying to collect herself. "I don't want to get attached to her and have her walk out on me. Believe it or not, she's the closest thing to a mother figure I have excluding Grams. I don't know what I'd do. I don't know what _you'd _do. Aren't you afraid we're placing too much of our happiness in the hands of someone so... uncertain?" She asked, hating herself for saying the words out loud.

"Do you trust me?" He asked, taking a different approach.

"Yes but its not you—"

"That's not what I asked. Do you trust _me_?"

"Of course I trust you, Dad." She knew where he was going, but she couldn't deny him that.

"Then you are going to have to trust me on this decision. I love Kate, honey. More then any woman I have ever loved in my life... romantically. She is finally willing to give us a chance and succumb to the feelings that she somehow shares for me, and I need to take the risk. I am taking a leap of faith here, Al and I hope more then anything that you support me on this decision." He looked her in the eyes.

"Ok, dad. I trust you. I think I need to go apologize to Kate. I didn't mean to worry her."

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><p>Kate was getting anxious. Rick and Alexis had been upstairs for a solid 10 minutes and she hadn't heard any footsteps alerting her that they were finished their conversation. Should she leave? She wondered if she was imposing on the family... if they would even want her here anymore once Rick was through speaking with his daughter.<p>

Finally, after what seemed like ages, she saw them descending down the stairs. She found herself more surprised then she had been in a while when Alexis sprinted to her and wrapped her in a giant hug.

"I'm sorry, Kate." The girl whispered in her ear. "I'm trusting you with my dad's happiness. I'm trusting you and I really hope I don't regret that."

Kate wasn't sure how to take what she had just heard. Was that an approval? Was the girl threatening her? She wanted, more then anything to know where she stood with her but Alexis pulled away from their hug before she could respond.

Kate, thinking fast on her feet, took the girl's hand and walked over to take Rick's as well. "Alexis, I love your father. He is my anchor, my constant. I promise you if someone is going to do the heartbreaking here its not going to be me." Both Alexis and Rick's hearts warmed by her testimony.

"Oh, I know for a fact it's not going to be me." The writer stated simply, placing a chaste kiss on top of his girlfriend's head.

"Besides, now that I have succumbed to his boyish charm and ruggedly handsome looks, I don't know how I could ever walk away." She laughed, lightening up the moment, then screamed in surprise when Rick severed her and his daughter's locked hands and picked her up in the same way a new husband would pick up his bride.

"The only way you'll get away from me is by making a mad dash to the door. And even then, you'd be surprised at how fast I can chase." He smiled, placing his lips to hers, still carrying her. He could hold her like this for hours, not only because she weighed the equivalent of a feather but because he loved her _that _much.

Their happy moment was interrupted by Alexis' fake retching. "Get a room, guys!" She laughed, catching up to the couple who were apparently headed for the living room.

"That sounds like a splendid idea, what do you say Kate?" He waggled his eyebrows down at his girlfriend who was still in his arms. Kate blushed profusely and smacked his chest.

"Put me down, writer boy." She laughed at his hurt expression.

"Writer _man, _Kate. _Man." _He all but groaned the last word.

"Well until you get us that room, I don't think I'll be able to make that informed decision!" She laughed at Rick who almost dropped her in surprise at her boldness.

"Guys!" Alexis almost screamed, covering her ears now. "If this is what it's going to be like around here from now on, I'm not sure I approve after all!" She laughed, tickling her Dad as incentive to put Kate down.

As soon as Kate was freed from his arms, she grabbed a pillow from the couch and smacked him with it.

"Oh, you did not just insinuate a pillow fight." He laughed, grabbing a pillow of his own and making a show of fluffing it.

Kate placed her body in a defensive stance, both arms now holding her pillow. "And what if I did?" She asked, walking toward him like a panther closing in on her prey. "What are you going to do about it?"

It wasn't until Kate's eyes flickered behind his shoulders that Rick realized the woman was stalling. That realization, however, went to waste as he felt a pillow slam into his back. He made a show of falling to the floor and screaming in agony.

"You turned my own daughter against me? How could you?"

The girls towered over him now from his position on the floor. He jumped up quickly, surprising them both and grabbed another pillow for his other hand.

"Oh its on." He whispered to the girls.

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><p><em>Light Caskett fluff at the end with a little Alexis to throw in for good measure. Ahh, they are so cute I can just see this playing out in my mind.<em>

_I hope you all liked this chapter. You can't have a good story without a little conflict, and I didn't think Alexis would be too accepting of their relationship for a few reasons so, I figured it was important that we see her side._

_Anyway, comments? You guys are awesome. Thank you so much for staying with me on this journey! I still have vast plans for this couple. I plan to see them through until the end._


	4. Chapter 4

_Hey, everyone! So I know its been forever since I uploaded a chapter, and I really apologize for that. I was on vacation and had assumed that I would be able to get some writing done, but as it turns out there was no internet, and the one laptop my family brought was my sisters (she has never been very good with the concept of sharing)._

_So I really hope this chapter makes up for my absence, and as always I'd like to thank you all for your continuous support and amazing feedback, it truly means the world to me to have my work appreciated._

_So, after that short babble, enjoy the chapter!_

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><p>First date. How was it that those two little words could make such a huge impact on the rate of Kate's heart beat. The woman stood just outside her closet, staring at her wardrobe and panicking all over again at the prospect of her first date with Richard Castle.<p>

"What the hell does 'semi formal' even mean?" She practically shrieked at Lanie, backing away in defeat from her wardrobe that mainly consisted of blazers, turtle necks, and hoodies.

"Well I know what it _doesn't _mean, and you are staring right at it." Lanie said, smirking at Kate's lack of formal attire.

"What am I going to do, Lanie? He'll be here in two hours and I don't even have a freaking dress!" She said, flopping herself down on her bed beside Lanie. "I swear, the man brought up this date on such short notice _just _to stress me out."

"Now, now. He didn't do that and you know it." The ME just shook her head. "God, Kate. If a man looked at me with _half _of the love and adoration that Richard Castle gives you, I'd show up naked if it meant going on a date with him."

"I know. You're completely right, but you have to admit that I _do _have a reason to be freaking out. Even you, the woman who can make an outfit out of everything, is stumped by my lack of appropriate dresses." She paused, turning back to her closet. "If I only knew where we were going, maybe I could pull something together!"

It was then that Kate noticed the slight twitch in her best friend's brow. That was her tell, she knew from the endless 'girls nights' the women had had in the past that whenever Lanie was lying or trying hard to keep any emotion off her face, her eyebrows twitched. It was a weird habit, but nonetheless, Kate always noticed it.

"Lanie... what are you not telling me?" She said skeptically, worried about the endless possibilities of what the woman could have done.

"I don't know what you are talking about." The lie would be pretty convincing if it weren't for the avoided eye contact and the movement in her brow.

"Oh God, Lanie, what did you do?" Kate begged, exasperated.

"I _may _have texted your boyfriend 911 about an hour ago when I saw the contents of your closet." She said, inching away from the detective, who was clearly boiling with anger.

"You did what? How could you do that? He's already done so much for me, it's not his obligation to dress me too! How could you do this without asking me first?"

"I knew what you would say! And face it, honey, you need all the help you can get." She saw that she was getting no where with this approach and tried to change it up a little, soften her resolve. "The man loves you, Kate. He _enjoys _doing things like this for you. Aren't you willing to give him some joy?" Her voice rose into a sugary sweet octave for emphasis.

"You both will be the death of me." She exclaimed, attempting to relax her heart which was now beating two times the speed it had been before. She had to admit, it was sweet that Castle was willing to go out and find her a dress on such short notice, and if the dress was anything like that one he had bought her 3 years ago, she was in for a treat.

Lanie looked like she was ready to say more on the matter but was interrupted when the doorbell rang. She jumped up, practically squealing in excitement. "Girl, I can't wait to see what he picked out this time!"

Kate waited in her bedroom for her friend to come back with the box that was surely waiting at her doorstep. Though she would never admit this to anyone, she did feel a little excitement creeping up at her at the prospect of a dress that _he_ had picked out for her. The fact that he had gone into a shop and chosen one with her in mind made her entire body shiver.

Lanie all but sprinted back into the room holding, like expected, carrying a box that could only be carrying her dress. The woman handed it to Kate, watching her expectantly.

"Well, open it!" She said, bouncing slightly up and down on her toes.

Kate laughed. "You need to calm down. This is a little ridiculous."

"Oh, just shut up and open the damn box already before I die of anticipation... or old age!" She said, laughing at Kate's shocked expression. Clearly, she hadn't expected that reaction.

Slowly, partly to annoy her best friend, Kate lifted the box lid from it's body. On top of some expensive looking red _(red?)_ material, was a note that was clearly written by her writer.

_This time, I'd rather be your Prince Charming. _

If Lanie hadn't been breathing down her neck behind her, Kate probably would have swooned at the sentiment. Of course, Rick was making reference to the last time he had come to her rescue with a dress and the note that had said 'bippity boppity boo', insinuating that he was her "Fairy God Mother"... or God Father, depending on how you looked at it.

Kate pulled the dress to it's freedom, gasping at it's beauty. The dress, as she had already seen, was fully red. It was a beautiful one shoulder piece that flowed loosely down one arm while leaving the other one bare. Just as the dress reached the hip area, it tightened to a slightly ruffled skirt that ended mid calf. All in all, the dress was absolutely stunning.

"Go try it on! Hurry!" Lanie said, glancing at the clock on Kate's bed side table that indicated only an hour before her date arrived to whisk her away.

Kate hurried into the bathroom, putting the dress on as fast as she could without damaging it in any way. She smiled automatically as it rested on her body. It fit her like a glove, of course. Rick knew her too well.

It was Lanie's turn to gasp when Kate exited her bathroom and revealed the dress. Both women could hardly believe just how perfect it looked on Kate, and how it fit so well.

"_That _is what I'm talking about." Lanie smiled, nodding in approval.

"This dress must have been so expensive, the material definitely feels that way." She was clearly trying to find a reason to worry and because of this, Lanie's nods of approval turned into shakes of disdain.

"Katherine Beckett. If you make one comment to that man about this dress being too much or how he shouldn't be buying you thinks like this, I promise, I will barge in on your date and smack you silly." Lanie gave her best stern look to imply that she wasn't kidding.

"Fine, no comments from me."

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><p>Rick stepped into the elevator with a large bouquet of flowers in his hand. As it carried him up, closer to Kate, his nervousness seemed to rise. He scolded himself for being so boyish about the idea of a date with this woman. He was Richard Castle. He had been on more dates than he could count. Why was this date making him so nervous? Especially since he has known the woman for what feels like a lifetime? <em>Because it's Kate Beckett. <em>His inner voice told him, giving him four words that seemed to explain everything. This was the love of his life he was talking about. This wasn't just some date, this was _the _date. The date that would start off the rest of his life.

Rick laughed at himself, feeling the elevator slow to a stop. He couldn't believe he was so cheesy, but that was what Kate did to him. She turned him into this romantic, cheesy guy who wanted nothing more then to please her.

He was a little worried about the dress that he had delivered earlier. He knew that Lanie had texted him without Kate's knowledge. He knew the detective well enough to know that she would never ask him for anything like that. Luckily, he had been last minute shopping with Alexis at Saks Fifth Avenue when he received the 911.

It felt like he was mustering up all his courage just to knock at her door. He felt silly taking a few deep breaths in front of her apartment before raising his arm to knock, but he did nonetheless.

As soon as Kate opened the door, his breath was taken away. She looked absolutely stunning. This vision of her was _way _better than his imagination ever could have conjured up. He clearly didn't hide the fact that he was analyzing her from head to toe, because when he finished his long, lust-filled scan, his eyes rose to see Kate blushing profusely.

It was then that he realized he hadn't yet spoken. He must seem like such a creep just standing at her door, checking her out. He stumbled upon his first words. "I can't even begin to describe how beautiful you look." He said, hoping it didn't sound as strangled as it felt.

Kate laughed _(that's a good sign, right?). _"Well, I don't think that's a very good thing seeing as you give detailed descriptions for a living." She joked, leaning up to give him a chaste kiss on the cheek that left amazing sensations in it's place.

"Kate, you are undeniably the most stunning woman I have ever had the great fortune to lay eyes on." He said, gently guiding her head back for a slow kiss on the lips. He kept it short, much to his displeasure, but he didn't want to ruin her makeup or allow things to get out of hand. "Does that suffice?"

He could physically feel Kate's shiver in his arms, and he knew he had said the right thing. "That's perfect. Thank you so much, Rick. I don't even know if I deserve such a compliment."

"You deserve everything." He stated simply, mentally kicking himself to allow this date to get so heavy so fast. Although they had already established that she was not going to run, he was still worried that her resolve would crumble if he said or did the wrong thing.

"Well, you look very handsome yourself, Rick. How did I get so lucky?" She smiled.

He decided to bow down and take the compliment instead of assuring her that he was, in fact, the lucky one. He, again, didn't want to overbear her with compliments.

Rick collected himself while Kate grabbed a vase to place the flowers in. Already, this was the best date he had ever been on... and it wasn't because of the compliments or kisses. The company was all he needed.

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><p>The couple dined at an elegant restaurant in upper Manhattan called Jean-Georges. It was a beautiful, romantic French restaurant that Rick said was the next best thing to France itself. He was pleasantly surprised, and a little turned on, when Kate began speaking to the waiter in French.<p>

"You know," He started, shining his best Castle smile, "French is the language of love."

Kate smiled too, when she realized what he was saying. "Well how appropriate that you chose this restaurant then. _Je t'aime, mon chérie."_

Her accent was impeccable. He was so surprised he was able to sit in his chair and engage in a regular conversation with her speaking in her best French accent. It was not only sexy, it was beautiful. It was uniquely her. "I think you might be perfect." He said, before he could help himself.

Kate blushed, and smiled down into the table before she could help herself. His compliments made her melt inside. "You're amazing, Rick. You've fought your way into my heart, and I don't think it is possible anymore for you to leave."

"That doesn't matter. There's no where else I'd rather be." He smiled, grabbing her hands from across the table.

Kate snorted then, realizing the content of their conversation. "Geeze! What is wrong with us? We sound like a bad hallmark card!"

Rick laughed then too. "Ok, let's lighten the subject matter. We'll save declaring our hearts for later."

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><p>The dinner went amazing. Kate had never laughed so hard in her life, and with these past 3 years, that was saying a lot. There were a couple of times where she physcally had to hold onto her mouth and bite her tongue so she wouldn't make a scene in the middle of the restaurant.<p>

They were walking down the streets of Manhattan now, holding hands as they ate their ice cream that Rick had treated them to. It was simple, but romantic. This really was the perfect date, and he really was the perfect guy.

They walked silently now, both contemplating the happenings of that evening. If she had had any previous doubts about how this relationship would work out, they were vanished. There was no doubt in her (or his) mind that they were meant to be together.

Always.

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><p><em>Ok, so I hope you all liked that chapter, I still have a lot of idea's coming up. I have a check list on another word document of things that I want to happen in this story, and one by one I'm checking them off. <em>

_I really hope you all are enjoying the way this story is going. And I hope you continue with me on the ride!_

_The feedback has been surprising and amazing, and I absolutely love to hear what you all have to think (the good and the bad)._

_Thanks, Everyone!_


	5. Chapter 5

_This chapter is long overdue and I'll leave it at that. I hope you all enjoy!_

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><p>Kate Beckett never thought she would be one of <em>those<em> couples. The ones who walked through central park completely immersed in their partner. She had always loathed people like that but now she realized it was probably because she longed for it.

Walking now, with the love of her life beside her, she knew understood why those couples always looked so entranced so... blissful. It was because they knew that despite what their future held for them, despite the obstacles, they made it. Well... maybe most of them didn't have quite as many obstacles as she and Castle had overcome, but the feeling was still the same.

"What's with you?" Rick nudged her, breaking the serene silence she had been enjoying.

"Oh, nothing. Just thinking." She smiled, mysteriously. She knew it drove him crazy... in a good way.

"Care to share with the class?"

"I don't see any _class_ here, Rick. Just you." She said, only realizing the double meaning behind her words once they left her mouth.

Her partner just waggled his eyebrows, clearly telling her that he hadn't missed it either.

"This is nice." She started, gesturing to their obvious closeness. "I just like that in this moment nothing is wrong, everything is... perfect."

"I never figured you to be one to say something so cheesy, Kate." He smiled. "I like it."

"Ya well don't get used to it. I told you before, we aren't going to act like we're _together _at the precinct. It's going to be strictly professional." She said, giving the sternest look she could muster.

"But..." He started

"No buts. I don't need to have my capabilities questioned. I don't want to be known as the love-stricken detective who can't focus because she brings her boyfriend to work."

Rick cast his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to his body. "You know, I'll never get tired of hearing you say 'love-stricken' and 'boyfriend' when referring to me." He absently rubbed her arm, sending goose bumps through her skin.

"You sure you won't get tired of me?" She joked, poking the ticklish spot she had discovered on his stomach. "I mean the blonde bimbo count is on the rise..." She started, but was cut off by Castle wrapping her into a ridiculous bear hug that cut off all her senses.

"I am never letting you go, detective. The only way you're getting away from me is if you can get out of this grip." If she had thought he was holding her tightly before, she had no idea. She was having trouble breathing due to her fit of laughter and lack of air. She pinched him hard in the stomach, the only place she had a grip on him. He squealed and let her go.

"You know, assaulting a detective wouldn't look very good on your record." She smiled, falling back into his hold on her waist.

"I don't know, can't _detectives_ also get in trouble for unnecessary force against a civilian?" He smiled, loving how he could hold her like this.

"I plead the fifth." Kate smiled, humming as he kissed the top of her head. She could stay in this park forever. Everything was just so... perfect. She had never been in a relationship where she could be this carefree. She didn't care if the people around her thought Castle was actually assaulting her, she didn't care about the embarrassment of them hearing their loud laughs. All she cared about was him. They could be themselves around each other.

"You want a hotdog?" She asked, watching his gaze drift to the hot dog stand that was positioned a few feet away.

"You know me too well." He smiled, letting her go. "I'll save us this bench. Perfect for people watching." He winked. It had become their thing to people watch. She didn't remember how it happened but every now and then they liked to sit down and make stories for people as they passed. She was amazed at how easily it came to Rick, and how enthralled she could get in his story telling (that is until he added alien invasions and CIA conspiracies).

Kate smiled to herself as she walked away to get their hot dogs. They had been dating for two weeks and already she knew exactly what he would want. There was only one person ahead of her in line so she took the time to take in the scenery of the park. Maybe it was her happiness talking, but she had never actually appreciated Central Park for it's beauty and timelessness. She loved the smell of the tree's and the abundance of people.

It took five minutes to get the two hot dogs (one with just ketchup and one with just mustard... Kate had laughed at the poetry of it) but by the time she turned around to walk back to their bench, she saw something that did _not _sit well in her stomach... at all.

She approached Rick and the blonde girl (who had clearly been jogging in the skimpiest outfit she could find) with what could only be an outraged look on her face. As she took her final steps toward them, she was able to compose herself... barely.

"Hot dog with mustard, just the way you like it." She said, handing her _boyfriend _his lunch.

"Oh, finally! I didn't realize how hungry I was until you offered." He paused, apparently remembering the blonde beside him was still there. "Right! This is Sera. She is apparently a fan of my books."

Sera giggled and placed her hand on Rick's forearm (much to Kate's displeasure). "He is such an amazing writer! I've been dying to meet him but I always seem to miss his signings." She directed a pathetic pout his way. "Are you his... sister?" She asked, looking hopeful.

"His girlfriend, actually." Kate returned the fake smile the girl had given.

The girl looked surprised. "From what I read you don't seem like one to settle down, Mr. Castle."

Rick clearly looked conflicted. He had thought nothing of the friendly conversation he was having with his fan until Kate had approached. He hadn't even realized the girl had been flirting with him until she touched his bicep. "Well when you find a girl like Kate, not settling down is out of the question." He replied, easily draping an arm over her shoulders.

The girl was clearly getting annoyed. "Kate, it looks like you have a little ketchup on your cheek. Maybe you should go grab a napkin." Her voice had dropped the innocent act and taken on bitchy.

Rick saw Kate's embarrassment and was suddenly angry at the girl... _how dare she try to oust his partner like that? _"It's ok, hun. I've got it." He reached over and wiped the small bit of ketchup off her cheek with his forefinger.

Kate took the opportunity without hesitation. She leaned forward and captured Rick's finger with her mouth, sucking the ketchup off in a way that would never be construed as innocent. She smiled on the tip of his finger as Castle's eyes darkened, and kissed it before releasing him. _Take that. _She directed her smile now at the girl.

The girl cleared her throat. "Well, I should get back to my jog. If you ever want to discuss your books, Mr Castle, don't hesitate to call." Kate couldn't believe her audacity. She pulled a business card out of a pocket in her tiny shorts (how did they fit in there?) and went to hand it to Rick.

Kate grabbed the card before Castle even had a chance to reach for it. "Thanks! We'll be sure to let you know." She smiled, practically shooing the girl away.

They both burst out laughing as soon as she was out of earshot.

Kate, between breaths, tried to speak "I... can't believe... her! Did she really... think..." She burst out laughing again, unable to contain herself.

Rick, who had calmed down a little, was able to speak better than Kate who was still hysterical. "Katherine Beckett, you were jealous!" He said, patting her back lightly to help her out with the coughing fit that had taken her over.

"I'm not the jealous type, Castle. But what's mine is mine." She said, calming down a little as well.

Castle's pats turned into loving strokes that sent shivers down her spine. He _knew _how she loved back rubs. He leaned forward to whisper in her ear, not wanting anyone else to hear what he had to say. "While I understand your actions, if you ever suck my finger like that again, I am not to be held responsible for my actions."

Kate, feeling brave, grabbed his hand again and placed his index finger to the edge of her mouth. Her mouth caressed it's tip as she spoke. "Oh, really?" She asked, slowly allowing the finger into her mouth as she questioned him with her stare.

Rick gulped. Kate's mouth playing with his finger had to be the sexiest thing she had ever done. He couldn't take it any longer, leaning forward, he removed his finger from her grasp and replaced it with his lips.

His kiss was hungry. He expressed to her his desire with every movement of his mouth. It was within seconds that she slid her tongue into the mix with fiery passion that had no business in public.

"Get a room!" A man yelled from a few feet away, clearly not enjoying the couple's heated make out session.

"Wan't to take this back to my place?" He asked, his body burning... everywhere.

"God, yes." She whispered, grabbing his hand and pulling him from the park.

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><p><em>I did not expect this chapter to turn out like it did... in the end but my writing went away with me! Anyway, I apologize again for the long absence. My SATs are going to be written on Saturday and after that I'm all yours!<em>

_Anyway, this **is** t-rated so there won't be a smut scene in this story, but if you convince me enough I may just write an extra chapter for those of you who would like to read it... but again that would require some convincing, haha._

_Other then that, your feedback is **always **appreciated, and thank you all so much for sticking with this story!_


	6. Chapter 6

_Get ready for this one, folks._

_just a quick note:: **THAT PROMO. I CAN'T EVEN.** I honestly can't contain my excitement for Monday. But then again, I know there is going to be some sort of twist. In conclusion, I don't know if this story will ever see an end as I will be dead after this finale._

_Anyway, here is the new chapter:_

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><p>Kate woke up with a smile on her face, knowing exactly where she was. Even if the steady rise and fall of what was undoubtably a <em>man's <em>chest couldn't be felt underneath her arm, she still wouldn't have a doubt in her mind.

Seeming to sense her conscienceless, Rick stirred in his sleep. "Mmm.. I could get used to this." He said, a lazy smile gracing his features.

Kate stroked his cheek with the tips of her fingers. "I was about to say the same thing... but don't let it go to your head." She smiled, laying her head against his shoulder.

The couple lay there like that for a few more minutes, both knowing the other was awake and basking in the bliss of their recent acts.

Kate, surprisingly, was the first to break the silence. "We work well together."

Rick laughed at the sentiment. "I feel like our almost 4 years of partnership would have validated that statement long ago, Kate." He smiled into her hair.

Kate slapped him in the chest. "You know what I mean!"

"Yes, yes I do. And I have to agree, that was... sensational."

Kate hummed. "You know, it's times like these that your being a writer is really _hot."_

"Oh, is that so?" He asked playfully, tilting her chin up to face him. He was dangerously close now to her lips.

"Indubitably." She smirked as his eyes darkened.

"So. Hot." He panted, closing the distance between their lips. She loved the way he felt when he kissed her like this. Like they belonged together. His hand slowly trickled up her spine causing her to moan.

"As much as I like where this is going, we can't, Castle." She sighed, clearly disappointed with her own words. "I'm on call and if you think its hard to stop now..." Her finger trailed down his chest slowly getting lower and lower, "...imagine how hard it would be if..."

Castle cut her off mid sentence, grabbing her hand that was making his mind muddled. "I get the picture." He said roughly. Then, with as much force as he could muster, he hauled himself out of the bed. "I'm going to go shower." He said, wanting _so _bad to give the snarky (yet half-serious) comment on the tip of his tongue. Lucky for both of them, he restrained himself.

Kate took advantage of his shower time by giving herself a tour of the loft. Rick had informed her earlier that Alexis and Martha were out of town on a "girls weekend" so there was no chance that she would have to perform the walk of shame.

She had spent a great deal of time in this apartment, especially these past few weeks, but during those times she had been so enthralled with the Castle's that she never was able to truly appreciate the loft for what it was.

She felt again like she did all those years ago when she had first come over. She had described it as witnessing the 'bat cave' for the first time. Now, she realized, that statement was more true than she had intended.

The loft was so perfectly _Castle, _right down to the decor. Everything had a reason for being there, whether it be sentimental or Rick thought it was 'cool'. Either way, there was no mistaking who owned it.

She entered his office. She never told him this, but this was her favorite place in Rick's loft. If she thought the entire home reflected his personality, his office blew the rest out of the waters. She loved the figurines and pictures that lined the walls. She loved the huge book shelf and his collective taste in literature. She loved how his computer screen was now flashing "You should be writing" in all capital letters, a touch that was obviously Alexis'. One of the most attractive things about Rick was his relationship with his daughter, it made her feel all warm and loving inside.

It was when Kate was inspecting a cute picture of Rick and Alexis skating in central park when she saw it... a remote. It didn't match anything else in the room and as a detective, Kate's instincts told her to find out what it was for.

She picked it up, and without pointing at anything in particular, she pressed _power. _

She saw a flash of light in her peripheral vision. Turning around to see what she had turned on, she gasped in surprise. There, in the middle of a blank screen, was her face smiling at her.

This board was too ominous, too... hidden to be anything good. Her instinct told her to find out how it works and dig further, but her heart told her to stop and ask Castle directly.

"Kate?" She heard him calling from upstairs. She had no choice now, she had to go with her heart.

"I'm in your office, come here for a second!" She called back, trying to keep her voice even. Her heart was pounding a mile a minute as if to say _you don't want to know, you don't want to know!_

Rick bounced into the room, a wide smile plastered over his face. He was about to approach her when he saw what she was looking at. Instantly, his smile vanished. Kate's heart dropped further when she saw his sudden change in mood. This clearly wasn't something good.

"Damn it." He whispered, shaking his head and pulling his hand up to his eyes.

"Rick. I'm trying not to freak out here. I'm trying my hardest but you're making it pretty damn difficult right now." She said, anger levels rising already.

"Ok, ok. I didn't want you to find out like this. Things were going so great and I just didn't want to... I didn't want to ruin this. Us." He started.

"Just explain." She said, "Please." She added as a desperate attempt to keep the perfect state they had just had only moments ago.

"This is my murder board." He said, taking a deep breath. He walked over to the board, hand hovering over the picture. "More specifically, it's your mother's murder board." He said, finally clicking her smiling face.

"Rick... please. Please tell me i'm not looking at what I think I am. You wouldn't be this stupid." She shook her head, a mixture of hurt and angry tears now forming in her eyes. She felt so betrayed... she thought all the secrets were out.

"They were going to kill you, Kate! They wanted to end your life, I couldn't... I'll be damned if I don't do everything in my power to stop you from getting yourself killed. I _need _you. I need you like I need Alexis and Mother, hell, I need you like I need air!" He tried to make a defense for himself.

Kate's voice was rising now, she had opened herself up to him. She let him in and all this time he was hiding this from her. "How could you? You knew what this meant to me. You say you need me like you need air, Rick? Well I _need _this case! I need this case either buried so deep that I can never get to it, or I need it open and investigated. There is no in between! You said no secrets! You said we..." She struggled for air now. "I can't believe this." She began to walk away, retreat.

"Don't walk away from this. Don't walk away from us, Kate. I love you, I couldn't stand watching you kill yourself over this but I knew unless it was solved you would keep digging. So I did the digging for you. I wanted to _help _you. You realize with every clue you uncover whoever is behind this," he motioned the the board behind him, "sends another person to watch you, ready to kill you at any second." He was breathing heavily now. "I can't lose you, Kate. So I did it for you."

Part of her wanted to forgive him. Part of her wanted to pretend she had never seen this wretched board and rewind to the time where they were lying in his bed without a care in the world... had that only been minutes ago? She struggled to keep her voice steady, she didn't want to burst into tears until she was alone. She didn't want to risk him trying to comfort her... she was afraid she'd accept it. "I need to go, Castle. I just need to be alone... clear my head. I'll call you."

Rick cringed at her words. "I can't wait another three months for you to call! You have no idea what it'll do to me! Not when we've finally..."

Kate lost it. "Finally what, Rick? Finally gotten together? Finally allowed my walls to come crashing down? Well why do you think my walls were up in the first place? It was because of shit like this!" She pointed venomously at the murder board. "Damn it, I knew this would happen and thats why I fought my feelings! Now my guard is down, and I am completely torn inside. My heart feels like it has been ripped to shreds and it's all because of _you." _She screamed, tears pouring down her face.

"Kate..."

"No. Don't you dare even try. How could you allow me to open up like this when you knew you had this secret? I can't even look at you right now. So yes, when I am ready, _I will call you."_

With that, Kate shoved past him and ran out the door.

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><p><em>You know Rick and Kate. Can't have fluff for too long before the angst sets in. Don't worry, I still have plans for these two.<em>

_Again, I'd love to hear your feedback. Thank you all so much for sticking with this story, I am truly enjoying writing it._


	7. Chapter 7

_So I was re-inspired for this story. I stopped writing for a little while because I had no idea where to go with it after everything with the show happened. _

_Thank you for those of you who stuck with me along this journey! It's been grand._

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><p>Kate was glad her phone hadn't rung, informing her of a dead body. She didn't think she would be able to handle the harsh lights of a crime scene and the tons of people asking her questions and conversing with her as if nothing was wrong.<p>

Everything was wrong. Her entire world had just been flipped upside down and somehow the rest of civilization seemed to go on. She walked home because she knew if she was left to her own thoughts in the back of a cab, she would break down.

Now, finally home, she allowed the tears she had kept so carefully bottled up to flow freely down her face. She tried her best to see reason. Yes, Rick had been doing it with good intentions in mind, but the _"Damn it" _he whispered as soon as he realized what she had discovered in his office was the only indication she needed that he knew all along what he was getting into.

He knew she wouldn't have wanted this. Anyone who knew her even a fraction was able to figure out that they shouldn't touch her mother's case. Joanna was _hers _to deal with and hers alone. Why couldn't Rick comprehend such a simple idea when he was the one man in her life that she truly needed to understand.

Above all else, _this _was why she had put so carefully placed so many walls around her heart. This exact feeling of despair and disappointment was why she had held off on admitting her feelings for so long. No matter what happened in her life, everyone always left. She had no constant. Not anymore.

She hated how small this made her feel. The fact that she had finally opened herself up to someone after all this time and to have it all come crashing down so soon… it was devastating.

Checking her watch, she realized she had wasted the entire day drowning herself in her misery and a rather expensive bottle of scotch. This fact hit her hard and fast when she rose from her couch and the apartment began to spin around her.

Glancing at her phone, which was now vibrating for what seemed like the 50th time, she realized that despite her emotions, something horrible could have happened to Rick. Maybe, he wasn't calling her for his own reasons but because he truly needed her help.

That's what she told herself, at least, as she finally picked up her phone to answer.

"Hello?" She whispered, trying her hardest not to slur her words. She had given up on walking to her bedroom as walking in a straight line was clearly an impossible feat.

"Kate?" Rick's panicked voice sounded on the other line, "I know you told me to wait before I called, but I couldn't. Kate, I'm so—"

"You shouldn't call me so many times like that!" Kate said, lying awkwardly on the couch while pointing a finger at nothing in the air. Yes, she was extremely intoxicated. "I only picked up because I thought something might be wrong, but now that I know there is nothing, I'm just going to…"

"Ka—are you okay?" He said, hardly comprehending what she had just said due to the slurring in her words. "Are you drunk?"

Kate laughed a little at that. "What do you care, Ricky? Maybe you can finally learn your lesson!" She paused, sitting up now and holding her head at the spinning it caused. "I can do what I want with my life. If I want to do something, that is my choice. So yes, I am drunk and to be honest, I feel a hell of a lot better than I did when I wasn't." She smirked, feeling as though she proved a point.

"I'm coming over. Don't do anything stupid, please." He sounded desperate and genuinely worried. Maybe this was a lot more irrational than she thought.

"You are not stepping one foot through my front door! Don't even think about coming over here, I do not want to see your face right now!" She wasn't even thinking before she spoke anymore. The words were just flowing out of her mouth, whether or not they made sense.

Kate waited for a response before realizing Rick had hung up on her. "What an ass!" She exclaimed to no one in particular. Getting up, Kate moved to the door and after a few tries, finally succeeded in locking it. Smiling at her handy work, she flopped down on the floor a little away and succumbed to her sadness once again.

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><p>Rick made it to Kate's apartment in record timing. He didn't even hesitate to reach for the spare key above the doorframe and enter the apartment with ease. "Kate?" He called out into the seemingly empty room. He started to worry that she had left when he heard a moan coming from his right.<p>

Looking over, he found his girlfriend sprawled out on the floor, cheeks wet with the tears she had clearly been shedding for a while.

"Get away from me!" She screamed as he began to approach her. This version of her was so much different than the Kate Beckett he was used to, he almost feared her.

"You know I can't do that." He continued toward her, raising his hands now in a sign of surrender.

"I don't want you here." She slurred, trying (pathetically) to get up and move away from him.

"Why would you do this to yourself?" The writer kneeled down on the floor in front of her, slowly reaching out to take hold of the face he had long ago memorized.

"I have nobody, Castle." She sobbed, irrational from the alcohol she had consumed but expressing her inner thoughts all the same. "There is nothing left for me. I—I don't know what I am fighting for anymore." A lone tear now streaked down her face.

"Are you kidding? Kate, you still have me! I don't think you'll be able to see it right now, but I was protecting you. I was protecting your life so you _would _be able to fight for whatever you decide is worth fighting for!" He paused, stroking her cheek out of love and frustration. "I understand your anger, Kate. But this… this is childish and irrational. Please let me get you to bed so you can sleep this off. We can talk in the morning."

Slowly, Kate allowed herself to be lifted up by her writer. He placed an arm firmly around her waist and guided her into her room where she willingly relaxed into the sheets of her bed.

"I'm still mad at you." Kate started; closing her eyes and feeling the world spin around her as she did. She hated this feeling… she just wanted it to end. "But, can you stay with me tonight? I don't want to feel so alone."

Rick succumbed to her wishes. "As long as you don't hit me in the morning." He chuckled, sliding into her bed with ease.

"Promise." She slurred as she began to doze off. Rick reached out and lovingly stroked her cheek. Despite tonight's act, he understood her anger and frustration.

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><p>Kate woke up to the harsh pounding of her head and the comforting feeling of a man's arms—wait… she stiffened, realizing the last of her thoughts. <em>A man's arms. <em>She squeezed her eyes shut, remembering the fourth glass of scotch she downed in her conquest to numb her pain.

No, no, no. She willed for this not to be happening. She was furious with Rick, so god damn furious but she still wasn't sure what she was going to do about their relationship. No matter what, he didn't deserve this.

_He's going to hate me. _She thought, as she slowly slid out of her bed. As the sheets moved off of her, she realized something. _I'm still clothed! _

Amazed at the realization, she slowly turned her head around to check who the man lying in her bed was. A wave of relief washed over her as she realized that Rick was the one sleeping opposite her.

That wave of relief, however, was quickly replaced by anger. Grabbing a pillow, she hit Rick across the head (admittedly not that hard) and jerked him awake.

"Wha—" He started, rubbing his eyes in a way that, at a time that wasn't now, Kate would have found adorable.

"What the hell do you think you're doing here?" She asked, grabbing her head from the pain that her outburst had caused.

"Okay, wait. Let me…" He sat up, clearly trying to wake himself before speaking. "I came here to stop yourself from drinking yourself into alcohol poisoning!"

"I was fine!" She protested, appalled. "Besides, what I do is no longer your concern. I thought I had made that abundantly clear."

"Sorry I worry about my girlfriend when she answers the phone piss drunk and hardly coherent!" He exclaimed.

"I appreciate the concern, but it is unneeded. Now, I'd appreciate it if you left me alone." She moved away.

"Wait, Kate. Just let me explain." He paused, hoping she would turn around and rejoicing when she did. "You know I love you." He started.

"You think that's an excuse?" She raised her eyebrow.

"Yes, actually, I do. I will be damned if I love someone more than life itself and I am able to sit back and watch her as she quite literally throws her life away. This past week with you, Kate, it's been amazing. Next to a select few other moments, it tops as the best of my life. You make me happier than any woman has ever been able to, and you can no longer deny that I have that power over you as well." He looked her in the eye, willing her to see reason. "I don't understand how you are willing to give that all away in pursuit of this mission that is doomed to failure."

Kate flinched at his words. "How can you ask me to walk away from her case like that? If you really love me—" Rick interrupted her there.

"Don't even finish that sentence. Don't you dare even insinuate that I don't want what is best for you. I care more about your well being than anyone else other than one person I can name and that other person is the woman who's revenge you are killing yourself for." He reached for her hand, stroking it gently and pulling her forward. "She wouldn't want this for you."

"You didn't know her!" She exclaimed.

"Yes, but I know you! I know you well enough to know that you took every single good quality about your mom and infused it so deep into yourself that no matter what, it could never be touched. I know _you, _Kate and God forbid it had been you who was murdered in that alley, I know you wouldn't have wanted your mother to give away her life to avenge yours. Please, just understand. I want you to be happy, I want you to be driven, but most of all, I want you to be alive."

Kate let the tears she had been holding back fall. Slowly, she let go of his hand and grasped him in a hug that overwhelmed the both of them. Yes, she was furious. She was more furious than she had been in a long time. But how could she sit here and let this beautiful, wonderful man beg her to stay alive.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered. Holding him, moving her lips to gently press against his. "Rick, I'm so sorry. I'm done, okay?" She stroked her fingers through his hair, reveling in the feeling of his lips pressing desperate kisses against her neck. "All I want is you."

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><p>…<em>and the rest is canon! <em>

_Thank you so much _


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